Ruto's Plan
by pheonixXxwolf
Summary: Ruto's obsessed with Link. Everyone knows that. Ruto would give anything to marry him. Everyone knows that too. what happens when she buys a hypnotizing device? slightly humorous, and no romance,dont worry, I personally hate Ruto.
1. Chapter 1

**I was bored last night, and this idea popped into my head, and I formed a story out of it…I think Ruto is a bit OOC in this, I tried to use my pathetic sense of humor, and I probably failed**

**Disclaimer-I own nothing related to Zelda in this story, but I do own the Hypno-thingy 500 **

**Chapter 1- Ruto's plan**

Ruto sat in her room on her couch, trying to think of ways to get Link to marry her…_hmm…maybe I could…no that wont work…how about…no… _

Ruto opened her eyes "argh! Why cant I think!" She slammed her fist on the armrest of the couch

"ooooh daughter dearest!" Ruto's father waddled in slowly "what are you doing on this fine day?"

"I'm just thinking father, now go away!" Ruto grumbled

"oh ok, but don't think too hard remember what happened last time. That was a horrible mess, took 3 days to clean" the Zora King scuffled out the door and sluggishly made his way to the kitchen to stuff his face

"I'm trying to forget about it" Ruto mumbled "I cannot think, so I'm going to watch TV" Ruto grabbed the remote and turned the TV on

The screen of the TV went fuzzy the moment she turned it on, "ooh, I love this show!" Ruto squealed

She watched the screen for a minute or two, obviously amused, then she sighed "but it's not helping me"

Ruto flipped through a bunch of channels until one station caught her eye, and she stopped

A man in a cheap suit walks onto the TV screen "hey, have you ever wanted to manipulate someone to do something so bad you'd give anything?"

Ruto stared at the TV screen "yes"

"well, if you answered yes to that question, your in luck! The new Hypno-thingy 500 will cover all your hypnotizing needs! Better than the Hypno-thingy 499, it actually works! Watch as I hypnotize this innocent bystander!"

The man on the TV pulls out a weird device with tons of knobs and buttons on it "watch and be amazed!" the guy pushes a big red button, a beam of light shoots from the device to the person's head

Nothing happens to the person, and she asks "hey, am I getting paid for this?" the man started to sweat "uh…see, I hypnotized her to do that"

Ruto gazed at the TV screen, clearly amazed by the product

"and all this can be yours for only 10 payments of $14.99! call today at 1-800-ISCAMU! Must be 18 or older to call, satisfaction not guaranteed" the commercial then ended

"I have to get that" Ruto picked up her phone and dialed the number

"hello? Yes, I would like to order the new Hypno-thingy 500. Am I 18? Well…yes. one week? Ok thanks, bye" she hung up the phone, and turned the TV channel back to the fuzz

**A WEEK LATER…**

Ruto sat by her mail box, when the post man came by "oh… hi Ruto…I'm in a hurry…so here's your package"

The post man threw the package at her, and it hit her head "RUDE! But, poor guy, he's so paranoid ever since **it **happened" ('**it**' is referring to what Ruto's dad was talking about earlier, and I'll let you decide what it is)

She ran inside and eagerly opened the package "okay, I have the hypno-thingy, first I need batteries, and then let's test it out"

"hey daddy?" Ruto walked up to her father, and then pulled out the Hypno-thingy 500 "you will exercise more, and eat less!" She pushed the button and a stream of light hit her fathers head

"of course I will" her dad started to attempt jogging around the room, but failed miserably

"wow, this really works!" Ruto beamed "now dad, you will pay the ten payments of $15 dollars, with no compliant"

"uh-huh" Her dad got up again, and tried to do a jumping jack, he jumped…a centimeter, and when he landed, the whole kitchen shook and kitchen ware shattered everywhere

"I'm leaving now" Ruto slipped out of the door

**See, pretty stupid idea and not incredibly funny, but oh well, I wanted to write it anyways, if you want to know what happens next, review please! All flames will be ignored, so don't waste your time**


	2. Chapter 2!

**I got 3 reviews, that's more than my first story got on it's first chapter! Thankies people!**

**Disclaimer- don't own anything related to LoZ**

Ruto swam up the Zora river "hm…now where can I find Link?"

As Ruto pondered this, she barley even noticed the Octorock about 3 feet in front of her, about to shoot

When Ruto finally noticed the Octorock, she squealed "awwww! An octopus! I've always wanted one of those, but my father would never buy me one-!"

Ruto got cut off due to a blow from a rock to her head, though she didn't get off, she had a large bump on her head

She got quite mad about this, so she pulled out a rope and tied it around the Octorock, but this made the Octorck get mad too, so he started to shoot like crazy in every direction

Somehow, Ruto managed to dodge these rocks, and she pulled the Octorok out of the water like an uncooperative puppy

But, as we all know (well, maybe), an Octorok needs water to survive(why do you think you never see an Octorok walking around in Hyrule field?), much like fish, and as you also probably know, a fish left out of water too long, dies.

Ruto, having the mental capacity of a paper plate, did not know any of that. So she walked through Hyrule field, pulling a dead Octorock behind her

Fortunate for Ruto, (but extremely unfortunate for Link) Link just happened to be practicing his riding skills in the field

"Linkie-poo!" Ruto screeched as loud as she could across the field from where she was to where Link was

Link wasn't facing her, but he knew who she was, her voice was so unmistakable and unforgettable, it was the worst thing he had ever heard in his life

Link smacked Epona on the back-side as much as he could, but of course Epona could only go so fast for so long

As Link galloped away, Ruto close behind, he realized that Epona was slowing down "What? NO! Epona, don't slow down now! Please, anytime but now!"

But, despite Link's desperate pleas, Epona slowed down, and the very fit (from years of swimming) Ruto caught up and pulled herself atop Epona

Ruto hugged Link around the waist so hard he felt part of his spine be dislocated

Link suddenly got an idea that might work, or totally blow up in his face, if it worked Ruto would be injured severly and unable to pursue further, but if it backfired, well, the following scene would be Horrific

Link was wiling to risk it though (seeing as he has the triforce of courage), he grabbed the rains of Epona and stopped her short, making her rear up

Link's idea was to rear Ruto off, but Ruto held tight to Link as they **both** got reared off Epona

Link was in quite a lot of pain, and some slight shock, so he lay there on top of Ruto

Ruto on the other hand, had fish skin, which was tougher than flesh, so she was barely hurt, Link was laying on top of her, and needless to say she was enjoying every minute of it

Finally Link came to his senses and stood up, leaving the very disappointed Ruto on the ground

As Ruto got up and hugged Link agian she stated "Linkie-poo, just wait a minute, I have something for you!"

Link pried her arms from him and shouted "NO!" as he frantically searched for Epona, who was currently running away and very far off

"NOOO! EPONA! COME BACK! YOU'RE MY ONLY ESCAPE FROM HER! NOO!" Link shouted out towards Epona, who didn't even glance back at the panicking Link

Once again Ruto locked him in a hug, this time it was inescapable "please, Linkie-poo? If you take my gift, I'll leave you alone for a whole week!"

"it better not be that dead Octorock you were lugging behind you…" Link got interrupted by Ruto

"I would never give away Fred, he's my bestest buddy, besides you, and he wasn't dead, he was just sleeping! So do we have a deal or not?" Ruto tightened her grip on Link

"make it a month and I'll take your stupid gift!" Link shifted so he would be a bit more comfortable in Ruto's "Death Grip" as he called it

"DEAL!" Ruto shouted with a giggle before pulling out a box-

"Wait, where the heck did you store that, in your fin or something?" Link asked curiously

There was a short silence before Ruto answered "umm, is that really relent?"

Link looked at her oddly "I think you mean to say 'relevant', right?"

Ruto looked at the ground to ponder this for a minute…but with her slow mind it took her 20 minutes to sort out what Link said "Y'know, I think your right"

"huh? Oh yeah, I think I'm right too" Link nodded, she had taken so long, he almost forgot what they were talking about

"ok, but anyways, back to my present, do you want me to open it for you?" Ruto asked as she thought of the near future of Link being hers

"no, I'll take it home and open it there" Ruto always asked him that and he always gave her the same response

"that's what you said about my Christmas present, you know my fish skin tunic I hand sewed you, and you haven't worn it yet!" Ruto complained

_/ FLASH BACK TIME/_

"_uhh…no thanks Ruto, I'll open it and wear it when I get home" Link stared and the badly wrapped yet colorful box before him_

_The way he knew that it was clothes was that a piece of the pale blue fabric was sticking out of the poorly enclosed box_

"_Ok Linkie-poo!" Ruto smiled at the thought of Link wearing something made by her_

_**AT LINK'S HOUSE** _

_Link slowly opened Ruto's present, as if it where going to come alive and bite him_

_As he opened the box, he covered his nose, for the tunic stunk like rotting fish, Link placed it back in the box, quickly covering as much as possible_

_He hastily got up, walked into his kitchen, and threw it in the garbage_

_/END FLASHBACK/_

Link put his chin on his finger as he remembered this

"whatever happened to it anyways…I KNOW! I bet your waiting for a special time to wear it aren't you?" Ruto beamed, she felt so smart for figuring out Link's plan, after all, she could barely figure out someone else's plan after they **told **it to her

"umm, actually it was to small and-" Link got cut off by Ruto

"OH! I was afraid of that! Just give it to me and I'll mend it for you!"

Link's mind raced for a good excuse and he got one

He snapped his fingers, closed his eyes and shook his head "y'know, the darndest thing happened the other night, a wolfos came in and ate it! Can you believe it! He ate it right of my dresser! Along with my old broken wrist watch Saria gave me!" Link also remembered throwing away Saria's wrist watch she gave him

Ruto frowned "oh, well, that's too bad…but here's my new gift!" Ruto ripped open the gift, pulled out the hypno thingy 500, and aimed it straight towards Link

Link was very confused by this sudden action of Ruto, and even more confused by what she was pointing at him

"wh-what is that?" Link was staring at the device and studying it, whatever it was, it looked too complex for Ruto to know how to use it, in fact, a spoon was almost too complex for Ruto

"it's your gift Linkie-poo" Ruto smiled wickedly, almost scaring Link, and off somewhere in the distance thunder rumbled

A thunder storm approached, and it started raining heavily

Now as everyone with an IQ above 5 should know, water and electricity don't mix, but unluckily for Link, Ruto's IQ was only about 4.5

Ruto's stupidity caused her to use the Hypnothingy in pouring rain and lightning

As Ruto shot the blast towards Link's head, the device sparked, made a tiny fire, and got hit by lighting which was transferred through the beam to Link

Ruto also got shocked by the lightning, and they both blacked out

**Hah! Sort of leaving you on a cliffie aren't I? Thanks again to those who reviewed! And please everyone review this chapter as well!**


End file.
